However, when you are in that level of pain, **anything** that might relieve it feels like an alternative. Suicide offers an escape, a way out - the hope is that, finally, the pain will stop. Depression distorts our thought processes.Īll you want is for the pain to stop. Depression hurts emotionally and physically. Depression convinces us that no one cares, we're worthless, this will never end, and there is no reason to go on. Nothing seems positive, and even things that might be positive are tinged with the feeling that it won't last and the pain will return. Depression eats you up from the inside out. The pain throbs throughout your body, sometimes physically and definitely emotionally. Getting up is a Herculean feat, and functioning at all feels overwhelming. Simply opening your eyes to face the day feels like effort. Each day feels like a new wound, and it feels like the old ones will never heal. The pain feels like it will never end, and life feels like an unending, hopeless pit where nothing will ever change for the better. Incredibly, profoundly painful, and it cuts to the core of who we think we are. What happened to compassion? Depression HURTSĭepression is painful. If we really want to change things, we have to stop this behavior. It prevents people from getting needed help, and it creates and increases stigma for those struggling with these urges. The problem with this sort of armchair psychology is that it hurts. He was fighting a battle in a war that probably seemed like it would never end. Williams struggled with profoundly deep depression, and addictions that kept the pain at bay for a little while. One thing we do know, though - when someone is considering suicide, they are in an incredible amount of pain. The truth of the matter is that we'll never know what he was thinking, or why he did it. This sort of blame and shame never helps. When similarly depressed people hear these things, they nearly always feel shamed and even worse, and the chances of them hurting themselves increases. Finger pointing does not work, and makes things worse. Calling someone "selfish" or " a coward" only perpetuates and increases pain for loved ones left behind. However, sometimes we don't like the reason, or we're uncomfortable with the feelings they bring up in us, so we resort to finger pointing, blaming the victim, or even worse, demonizing the victim. We like to think that we can control things, and that there is a reason or purpose when things happen. They don't know what to do or say when something like this happens. I think people say these things because they are uncomfortable. Forgive my language here, but these things piss me off. Yet another said the all-too-common platitude that "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Still others speak of suicide as being a sin, and will say (or think) of the suicidal person going to hell. I've heard variations on this theme all day too. Williams "made choices" that hurt others. NO ONE IS "BEYOND HELP " AND NO ONE IS "TOO FAR GONE." I can't emphasize that enough.Īnother host on an another show decreed that depression didn't kill him, and that addiction didn't kill him. To hear a DJ blithely blame the victim was nearly too much for me. I work all day with people who struggle with those feelings and with the pain and hopelessness that goes along with them. I nearly had to pull my car off the road after hearing that, because I was so angry. One radio host even went as far as to say, "He was beyond help. Williams' struggles with depression and addiction are well-known, and it's very easy to point fingers and say, "that was what did it." I've heard variations on that theme all day, most of them said with the attitude that nothing could help it. Today, however, after hearing some of my clients' reactions and after hearing some of the things said in the media about it, I feel that I have something to say that might be helpful. I thought for a while about whether or not I wanted to write about this, because there are so many armchair psychologists who are ready to explain and point fingers in regard to Robin Williams' suicide.
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